Enjoy a Dash of my Curls this evening, my loves.
This is what happens when my ends get wet, now imagine all my hair being wet…. Mixed race problems right here.
Curly hair is not a ‘problem’.
....
Haven't been on this for ages. Intend to start using it again. Someday, I will. Meanwhile, I am active on Instagram. Follow me? Weightlossandcurls ^_^
My photography. Talk to me, sweethearts. Submit anything, darlings.
January262013
January22013
My weight loss..
These are durings.
Height - 5’5”
Starting weight - 196lbs/14st
Current weight - 161.2/11.5st
Goal weight - 140lbs/10st
I got down to 154lbs, but gained 10lbs. Currently working on losing the 10lb gain then back on track to my goal weight. 2.2lbs of the 10lbs lost so far.
I started in March 2012, so it’s taken me about 10 months so far. There have been several times where I’ve struggled and stalled for a month or more, though, usually every time something changes in my life. Been under a lot of stress lately.
I don’t exercise, I count calories with MyFitnessPal.
My story:
This is my story, condensed. Some bits are left out, but you get the idea, right?
I was a slim baby, a skinny child, a curvy but slim teen. Then I ran away from home when I was 14. I got so skinny from the lack of food (on the streets a lot), that my bones were showing. Collarbones, ribs - you name it.
I came back home after 4 months of living rough, staying at people’s houses, being in care homes and barely eating. And I ate for England. It’s like I was making up for lost time. I gained weight fast, but it was good weight. I was still slim. But it went too far, and I was chubby. I was very unhappy with my weight, and everyone felt the need to mention it to me.
Anyway, life went back on the straight and narrow. Still problems at home and school, but I went back to school, got my GCSEs (missed all of year 10, but got 5As, 3Bs and 2Cs!!!) and went to college.
Then, around the middle of year 12, I developed clinical depression (I’m still fighting it). It got very severe. I dropped out of college, worked part time and let myself go. I stayed up all night, slept all day. Didn’t leave the house except from to get food and go to work once or twice a week. I just didn’t care about myself, or my appearance, and eating filled that big ol’ empty void inside my heart and soul. And, hell, whole trifles and Mcdonalds sounded good to me. I binged frequently. The urge would overtake me, and I’d inhale a whole cake, eat until I felt sick. And ..
I felt powerless, you know? I mean, *I* COULDN’T possibly lose weight. I have no willpower! It’s too hard. I love food. I just made excuse after excuse, usually through a mouth full of food, and stayed in denial, despite my growing frame.
Up until March 2012, I was still locked in a vicious cycle of binging, feeling bad about myself, eating crappy food, making half hearted attempts to ‘eat healthy’ and failing miserably. I put on about a stone between Sept (when I met my ex AND started work at Starbucks) and March. I felt DISGUSTING. I hated myself. I didn’t take, or let anyone take, pictures of myself. I avoided mirrors as much as I could, but did spend a lot of time examining my reflection, every so often, in disgust. I didn’t feel like a human deserving of love or attraction. I hid my body in crappy, ugly clothes. I felt like crying every time I tried on a pair of clothes and it didn’t fit.
And then I found MFP.
MFP has been a lifesaver to me. I NEVER thought I could lose weight by myself. EVER. It’s given me the freedom to ‘budget’ calories, and now I make healthy choices with the security of knowing I can still lose weight, even if I slip up and eat a piece of chocolate, or something. I feel like I have some control, for once, and it’s exhilarating. I have truly made some lifestyle changes, via the simple tool and knowledge of calories.
I’m not going to pretend that this is easy, that I don’t still battle my f-d up relationship with food, that I still don’t get the urge to binge when I feel lonely or sad or that I’m not scared that I’ll go back to my old ways when I reach goal - but this is a journey. And the journey is just as important as the goal. I am gaining experience, and enjoying it. I am falling in love with my body, and that rocks!
December252012
Why I always cry on Christmas day.
When I was 12, something happened that changed my life forever. I will not go into it, but it happened on Boxing day, and was the beginning of an ordeal that lasted for at least 1.5 years and one that left scars hurting a lifetime.
Everything Christmas was to me then; happiness, family time, spirit, presents; above all; a magical time, changed. It was now a symbol of shattered dreams, and it was my fault.
Since then, and increasingly as I grow up, Christmas is a cold, dark and lonely time for me. As other people bask in the glow of the festive cheer, I feel less and less festive until it accumulates into unshed tears on Christmas day. And on Christmas day, they finally fall.
As selfish as it sounds, the lack of thought that goes into my, and quantity of, presents tends to make it burn more. As people around me get what they want, I am confined to impersonal sprays and bath sets that I don’t use. I do not want expensive gifts, although an iPad or an iPhone 5 would be great; I just want some thought and personality in my gifts.
But I digress.
Birthdays are similar for me. In fact, any sort of ‘happy time’ makes me feel intensely sad. I tend to withdraw from people as people are trying to reach out. I want to be alone, and people expect you to socialise.
And I always cry.
May312012
Uncutting: Uncutting's FAQ, part one: Circumcision questions
Q: Why are you so opposed to infant circumcision?
A: A multitude of reasons. I explain in detail here.
Q: What if I’m circumcised and like it?
A: That’s fine! I’m not trying to make anybody feel bad about their penis. If you don’t mind being circumcised, or even prefer it, there’s absolutely…
11PM
Viciously Logical: uncutting: viciouslylogical: uncutting: misianese submitted: I’ve...
misianese submitted:
I’ve basically decided that if any woman feels uncomfortable with an uncircumcised penis, or thinks it looks strange, or refuses to have date/have sex with a guy who is uncircumcised, then in turn, SHE should be…
Let me chime in, as the woman who originally made this post, and as the woman who actually DID submit an entire entry to uncutting’s blog about society’s standards of women— Oh, you can read it here:
http://uncutting.tumblr.com/post/23180259930/expectations
First off, don’t make this personal and don’t make this sexist. A man has his right to choose if he wishes to restore his foreskin, and there are various reasons why a man might choose to. The purpose of the blog is to shed light and awareness on people taking away a man’s right to choose, by mutilating his genitals as an infant.
Secondly, don’t make harsh assumptions about someone you don’t know. I don’t know uncutting, but based off of what he’s published on his blog, he’s really not some chauvinistic male who feels the right to put his dick wherever he wants to put it and any woman better like it. As a matter of fact, if you based your opinions of this guy primarily off of reading what he’s said about his love life and relationships, then you’d probably believe the exact opposite. Being presumptuous about someone you don’t know is pretty unclassy.
But let me summarize my previous entry for you: I 100% AGREE that society holds women to a ridiculously high standard. Not only does society make women feel like they need to shave their skin to be silky smooth (something men would be considered strange for), take better care of their pubic region, wear make up (something men are considered strange for), and better maintain their weight— but the media also portrays beauty as half naked women with hiked up skirts, or exposing cleavage and that if you don’t look easy then you’ll never get a guy! Yes, I agree, magazines, television, you name it… screws women over with this ideal of beauty, this standard that we have to work hard for. And NOT ONLY THAT, but then there are people who want to argue and say that women who dress this way (who are obviously influenced by society’s standards of beauty) are “ASKING FOR IT” if they get RAPED— a serious offence that no victim should EVER feel responsible for. So, yeah, it’s fucked up.
(I didn’t include the bit about rape in my first entry— but it’s true)
I did cover a lot of the things you said…
But on the flip side— here’s the thing. Women may be expected to do ALL of these things, but not only do women have THE CHOICE to shave, trim, keep their weight down, etc… but NO ONE fucks with our genitals.
Men aren’t required to get circumcisions for health reasons.
It’s, clearly (judging by your reaction), a cosmetic surgery that they -do not have the right to choose- if they want or not, as infants. It is RARE that there is a medical reason why it is necessary for one’s life to have a circumcision as a child, particularly in countries like America (where at least I live) with running water.
You’re going off about how society expects you (and me, for I am a woman) to shave, trim, stay thin, wear make up, etc…. to fit society’s standard of beauty because women will be rejected otherwise… but guess what? As I said before, we at least have the right to CHOOSE to fit that mold or not, and MEN have THEIR GENITALS MUTILATED so that they will what? FIT SOCIETY’S STANDARD OF BEAUTY.Think about what you’re saying here, and how it’s a bit of a double standard to whine about how women have to do SO much to fit society’s standards, when men have to lose 20,000 erogenous nerve endings, have risky operations on THEIR GENITALS— in some cases, the penis has been lost ENTIRELY (that’s a risk that you couldn’t pay me to take for ANYONE), and have scars/bruises permanently scarred on their genitals for what? To meet society’s standards of beautiful.
Obviously, because of how repulsed you are by a natural penis, it’s not just women. If we don’t shave, or wear our make up, or trim our eyebrows, then we’ll be rejected (it’s entirely cosmetic). And obviously, from what you said, if men don’t have altered and mutilated genitals, they’ll be rejected.Society’s a fucked up place. But it’s not just women getting jipped here.
And you DO have right to your own choice of what turns you on or off, but for as sickened as you are by how society treats women, well guess what babe? You’ve fallen prey to society to do the same thing to men. I hope it evens the score for you.
April152012
I'll try and be myself: Things I hate about break ups
- Every man within 5 years of your age is considered an “eligible bachelor”
- The pity
- The awkward meeting to pick up the last of your stuff
- The questions on Facebook
- Realising you have to hide the picture in your purse
- Seeing different things around your room that remind you of them
- Taking off…
August92011
daylightshadow-deactivated20130 asked: OMG. I had tears in my eyes when I saw your message. Dear, how are you? How is your family? Is everyone safe? Be careful. Don't go out and if you do, get out of the danger zones.
I am fine, albeit shaken up, scared, paranoid and disgusted. I can’t believe this, I can’t believe it. I was in Hackney earlier, and screamed at a girl who literally set her fellow animals on a photographer. They hit him around the head with a bottle. I was FURIOUS. I am terrified, not even for myself, but for everyone else and the police. I want this to end :(
Thank you for your concern <3
← Older entries
Page 1 of 57
